Wednesday, July 16, 2008
I feel totally unprotected
I have been wearing my red string for over the past five years. My bestie Gabby took me to the Kabbalah Center when we were doing Saturday Night(CHECK OUT THIS PIC OF GABBY AND I FROM LIKE 5 YRS. AGO!) in Hollywood. Everything for me just started to change. My negative thoughts that were useless started to go away. I was active in reading the books and even the cd's for the car. I have been trying be as Kabbalah like as much as possible since then. Until, well... my string fell off last week and I haven't gotten my new set of string yet. It was like my license of being aware of myself had expired. Example from last night: I was really excited to stop at the Coffee Bean and get a large iced-t before rehearsal. I was really, psyched about it. I have issues, I know. It's just tea! Anywhoo, I get to the Coffee Bean and I walk through the door and they tell me the place is closed. Without even thinking, I snap back " That's fine! I'll just go to STARBUCKS!"
What is wrong with me? Why am I being a total bitch to this poor girl who doesn't have anything to do with the hours of the store? It was when I got back in the car that I realized, this behavior needs to stop.
I am aware that it is impossible to not have negative thoughts. I have them all day...
-I look fat
-I'm not pretty enough
- Why can't I make more money
But, I need to crack down on the ones that I can control. I am working on trying to judge myself and others too harshly. So, although my red string is suppose to keep the evil eye away, not having the string has been a great lesson for me.
BTW-I never did go to Starbucks. I ended up at a gas station buying a Diet Snapple and a Diet Brisk. I barely drank either of them.